Fish in the sea.

For some reason unbeknownst to me, every girlfriend I  have ever had has broken up with me on my birthday. As if part of some massive conspiracy of the collaborative efforts of all the females in the world to do the most damage when it can be done. I get that I'm still young, and plenty of fish in the sea, blah blah. You know what else is in the sea?  Sharks. And jellyfish. And torpedoes. And pirates. Saying that stupid phrase to me is like telling someone with cancer to 'get well soon.'

My point being, a break-up, no matter what the conditions, will leave someone hurt. Or in my case, sniveling on the floor using the carpet as one big tissue. Until I find inner peace with myself (after downing like 16 bowls of chocolate ice cream) I'll begin to see that things aren't so bad. Because there are other good things in the sea. Like narwhals. They're the unicorns of the ocean, a good friend of mine once said. And I didn't even see narwhals as good in that instance. They terrified me.

But then I realized that narwhals were imaginary creatures, and I had no reason to fear them. Anyway, back on topic. What DOES actually terrify me, the real monsters of this world, the girlfriends. I mean, I'm not a bad guy. Sure I have my faults like any other human being, but I am in no way a bad person. Some might be wondering 'Well if you're so great, why do they keep leaving you?' Well this time around, I was told I was 'controlling' and she felt 'trapped' by me. Thinking about this from a LOGICAL standpoint, let me analyze this statement-

I got upset when she wouldn't come home for 5 hours after she got let out of school and refused to tell me where she was
Was disappointed when she told me that she'd have to cancel our date to go play 'The Sims 3' with her friend

And got upset at her 'oldest friend' when he hit on her nonstop, despite knowing about me.

Now let's see what bothers her.
I talked to other girls on facebook, despite having known them for years and she didn't like them and I had to delete them. (This was brought up when a girl posted 'Hi Chris, how are you?' on my wall. She didn't like that she called me Chris.)
She felt like she did 'all the talking' (This was brought up when I was distracted by my fathers heart attack and told her I needed to go stay with a friend. I was in shock after seeing my fathers lifeless body being wheeled out on a stretcher.)
I was 'selfish and uncaring' (This was when I went on vacation to see some far away friends and wasn't able to talk to her when I was spending time with them.)

So as you can quite obviously see, I'm a horrible possessive monster that doesn't ever let her have any control over her own life. But thank god for her, who is so caring to let me have such a life full of freedom  and sunshine and rainbows and narwhals.
Now being a teenager, stuck in my dark little room brooding away, evil little thoughts manifesting in my head, I get some pretty sick ideas.

That's a slight over exaggeration, but I get really emotional when someone does hurt me. Even if it's over something stupid, my brain will see it, of course, as the imminent destruction of planet earth and all life as we know it. Such as the breakup of what my friends called 'a destructive relationship that is slowly killing you slowly and painfully cell by cell.' I know it's probably for the better, but dammit, it still sucks. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this first post. I'll be trying to update as frequently as I can with something clever.
Until next time,
Mr. Fox