Oh, messenger bag. Why do you not get along with your brother, lunch bag? Why must you pummel him on a day-to-day basis, squishing his insides to a pulp? (Quite literally. You will be missed, PB&J.)
Anyway, yesterday I come to school as usual, and find my lunch bag squished under my heap of books in my incredibly cramped bag, again, as usual. After disposing of the gooey paste that I used to call my sandwich, I went the day without eating. After class, I went to the car and attempted to make it very well known that I was in fact, starving to death because I missed a meal. Oh, the pain I endured.
To my joy, my mother, who was in the car along with my brother and father, fished out some coupons from her purse for a fast food chain that will remain nameless. The coupons were for one free sandwich, if one were to purchase a specific menu item. Another was for free fries and a drink with another sandwich purchase. We figured we'd be able to feed all 4 of us with these coupons, but after reading further, I noticed 'Limit 1 use per customer per visit' But that would not stop our contrivance. We devised a plan. Me and my two parents would go inside the restaurant, posing as 3 separate customers, acting as though we didn't know each other. We would each use a coupon and walk out with food enough for all of us. We had it all planned out, as if we'd been fooling these chumps for all our lives.
We went inside in short intervals, as to not look suspicious. I saw my parents do their part, ordering what they were assigned. Then my turn came. I ordered my food, but in a moment of horrible realization, I remembered...
When the woman turned around to tell the cooks our order, I beckoned my dad to slip me a $10 bill, which he promptly did. Only one problem. We were caught. The little funny lady behind the counter with a speech impediment made it as melodramatic as possible. She shouted, 'HEY! What do you shink chur during!?' I stood baffled at our mistake. We had it all planned out, but we were caught red handed. The customers all looked at us, not knowing what just happened. The mad little woman continued her angry rantings, as though our wish of free food had hurt HER personally. As if we had done something so heinous, that she was in emotional turmoil because of it. She tattled on us. To her manager. The manager came out, not looking too pleased, and told the funny lady that technically we could to that. Red faced, she muttered '...Sh'okay...' and went back to work. We walked out with our heads held high and our arms full of food. But we would be remembered. That much is for sure.
Now today, I'm sitting in my main school's building on the third floor. This place is usually packed with students who talk to one another, or people using their computers, and even teachers who have a break room within earshot. I can see my film teacher enjoying a cup of delicious something right now. Or at least I could. I had a horrible realization dawn on me. There is NO ONE HERE RIGHT NOW. I am literally the only person on this floor. Freaking out, I decided to start an IM session with my good buddy Warren, who goes to another school far away. I was freaked out and my paranoia set in, and he was the unlucky guy who had to hear my crazed ramblings. It went something like this-
Me: What if there's a fire!?
Him: There'd probably be an alarm.
Me: What if I didn't wear enough deodarant!?
Him: There's no one there to even smell you, man.
Me: What if there's a gunman!?
Him: Unless someone hired an assassin to take you out, that's more than likely not the case. Besides, you'd hear gunshots.
That's exactly it. I didn't hear gunshots. And then I remembered the little woman from yesterday. She's out there. She has a rifle. I know it. The wall I'm closest to is just one big window. I'm a sitting duck right now. It wouldn't take much to clear a bunch of college students out of a building.
This personal vendetta brought upon by free food was not worth it. If I'm not going to die from a highly powered scoped rifle, I'll die from the high cholesterol brought upon from eating at that horrible place. Or from the inevitable cyanide poisoning from the little woman. Either way, I know that I am NEVER going to mess with a big corporation again.
